Awkward Turtle

Is your group a safe place for people to admit real struggles? Sometimes people don’t admit their struggles because they are afraid of the response from others.

Last fall I was introduced to a YouTube phenomena called “awkward turtle” that is popular among some teens. The idea is that if someone does or says something embarrassing then you make a “turtle” with your hands who swims away (with you attached) from the awkward situation.

Because LIFE IS MESSY, you may have wished you had an awkward turtle following the confession of somebody in your group. You don’t want to embarrass the individual, you don’t want to ignore the sin. But what do you do? This comes from SmallGroups.com

One of the aims of our small groups is (or should be) to create a safe environment where people can grow closer to God. Well, growing closer to God often involves the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the need to repent of sin. If someone's confessing, it means you've done a good job leading your group and you should give yourself a pat on the back. (Okay, you can actually give God the credit, but you get the point.)

The Spirit has decided it's time for them to bring their sins into the light and deal with them, and you are the lucky person who's been chosen to help them in that process. So what do you do?

You Struggle with That!? | Articles | SmallGroups.com

The Devil is in the details

It is often the small things that the enemy of our souls uses to undermine the things God desires to accomplish in your group members. This list from SmallGroups.com list some of the details you may want to consider. Once the details are addressed (do not obsess about them) you can focus on the big picture. Clicking on the link at the bottom of the page will give you an explanation of each bullet point and a few more details to consider.

Details matter. They matter to God, and they matter to your people. So here are some areas to keep an eye on as you prepare for your cell-group meeting.

• Home Atmosphere
• Temperature
• Seating Arrangement
• Lighting
• Materials
• Refreshments

Pay Attention to Details | Articles | SmallGroups.com

Teach how you don’t learn.

A couple of years ago I took a class as part of my Master’s Degree. The biggest take-away from that class is that “If I am to be influential as a teacher I must know my own learning style and intentionally include teaching methods directed at the opposite quadrant if I want to maximize the impact upon all students”

I realize that some life coaches challenge you to work from your strengths rather than focusing upon your weaknesses, but leveraging your strengths to overcome your weaknesses may be a strategy to propel another person to maximize his/her strengths.

So What Is a Learning Style?

A learning style is simply how one perceives and processes information. And we all do that differently. That's the rub, and what makes an awareness of learning styles important for those involved with small groups. Let's go back to the definition. To perceive information refers to the way we take in data: through our senses. One person may do it best visually, another through hearing, yet someone else may prefer to be actively involved.

Then there is the processing aspect. That's what the brain does with the information after it has been perceived. Here again are significant differences. Information may be split into parts, organized, clumped together, analyzed, manipulated—any number of things. Most of us can do all these forms of perceiving and processing, but when it comes to learning, we tend to have preferences. The way we learn, especially in our early years, can influence our personality. How we learn matters.

Currently there are many models of learning styles. Some have to do with the influence of environmental factors, such as lighting or type of seating; others relate to influences on body rhythms, like time of day or the season.

One that I find particularly helpful deals with the cognitive and affective aspects of learning—how I think and feel about my learning. David Kolb developed the model in the late 70's, and shortly thereafter Bernice McCarthy contributed insights regarding the affective components of learning. The work of these two educators informs much of this article.

Kolb's model can be represented by a grid with two axes: one horizontal, the other vertical. The vertical axis has feeling (concrete experience) at the top and thinking (abstract conceptualization) at the bottom; the horizontal axis has doing (active experimentation) on the left and watching (reflective observation) on the right. The two axes intersect, creating four quadrants.

The top right quadrant represents imaginative or innovative people who like to diverge in their thinking (type 1 learners); the bottom right is analytic, representing those who assimilate facts (type 2); the bottom left quadrant is common sense for those who converge their learning (type 3); and the top left signifies dynamic people who experiment (type 4).

Learning Styles and Lesson Preparation | Articles | SmallGroups.com

Guest-friendly Groups

The following advice comes from the SmallGroups.com website. If you have guests who never come back, there may be some strategies below that could help. When your group members see guests being assimilated they know it is a safe place to bring their friends.

There are things you can be sensitive to as the small-group leader that will help your group to naturally embrace and include new members:

1. Warmly welcome newcomers into your group. Learn a little about them as you greet them and walk them into your gathering space. Do your best to remember facts they share about who they are, their family and friends, and how they found your group. On this note, one of most simple and powerful ways of helping a newcomer feel at home in your group is to call them by their first name each time you refer to them. Connect them with a few people as they come in and help to strike up conversations before your study begins.
2. Do not focus on them. Most guests like to be acknowledged—they just do not like to stand out or be spotlighted in front of a group. If you keep things normal, the group will feel more natural and comfortable to newcomers.
3. Do not over-accommodate. Just be yourself and allow the group to be itself. For example, do not hesitate to pray or worship in your group if newcomers are present. Sometimes this is exactly what God uses to gather spiritually-unconvinced people to himself (see Acts 2:46-47.) If somebody needs prayer, pray for them. If you are going to worship, just do it. Do not attempt to explain it for newcomers. They want to see things how they really are and would rather not have you disrupt the flow of what you do on their account.
4. Facilitate relationships. The more people your guests sense a possible connection with, the more likely it is they will want to return. So help newcomers get to know a few others in your group. The likelihood of newcomers returning increases by at least 50 percent if they experience a sense of belonging through their connection with others. This can be cultivated by highlighting things your guests hold in common with other group members, and by conducting timely follow-up.
5. Exploit their interests. Find out what subjects your guests have an enthusiasm or expertise in and talk about those! People like to talk about things they know about. Newcomers will feel more empowered and comfortable talking about the things of interest to them. If you listen with interest, you will show that you are interested in them as a person, and they will not feel like a project.
6. Hang out. When you have guests, leave plenty of time for people to socialize at the tail-end of your group. Newcomers tend to be more interested in being personal toward the end of a group, rather than the beginning. Use this time to introduce your group members to the guests, and to facilitate relaxed conversations.
7. Follow up. Follow up with newcomers before your next meeting to let them know you hope to see them again. If a guest came with somebody, encourage their friend to welcome them back. Sometimes group leaders hold off from following up in this way because they're afraid of being intrusive or coming across as pushy. In reality, guests appreciate this act of kindness, and it makes your group more inviting overall. If you do not risk the remote possibility of coming across as intrusive in your follow-up, newcomers may feel like they are intruding.

Q & A Discussion | Train | SmallGroups.com

Power of Encouraging Partnership.

I don’t know if this is a true story or not, but I don’t doubt for a moment that it COULD have happened.

One night I (a Doctor in Africa) had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died, leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive; as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an incubator).

We also had no special feeding facilities.

Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in.

Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical climates).

'And it is our last hot water bottle!' she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles.

They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.

'All right,' I said, 'put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts Your job is to keep the baby warm.'

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough,mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died.

During prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. 'Please, God' she prayed, 'Send us a hot water bottle today. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon.'

While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, 'And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?'

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say 'Amen?' I just did not believe that God could do this.

Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything; the Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever, received a parcel from home.

Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there on the verandah was a large 22-pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly.. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box.

From the top, I lifted out brightly-colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the weekend.

Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out. Yes, a brand new, rubber hot water bottle. I cried.

I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could.

Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, 'If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!'

Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully-dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!

Looking up at me, she asked, 'Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?'

'Of course,' I replied!

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator.

And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it 'that afternoon.'

'Before they call, I will answer.' (Isaiah 65:24)

Might there be something your small group or class could do today that would be a timely blessing when received by a “frontline soldier in God’s army”?