Mentoring That Makes a Difference

 There is a book that has been on my shelf for 15 years. I read the book when I first received it, then forgot about it until I received this quote in an email - taken from the last chapter of this book.

   Below are the highlights and you can click on the link at the end of this post for the full article.

As a mentor I don't want to tell people what God's will is for them; I want them to discover it for themselves. And that happens best, I've noticed, when I affirm what's going right with a person.

• Express encouragement regularly. A young lawyer in a class I taught recently wrote a paper on 1 Corinthians 15. He didn't just parrot back my lectures, however. He went beyond what I had taught, doing his own study and making his own breakthroughs. He grappled with issues we hadn't discussed in class; he dared to draw his own conclusions. It occurred to me as I read his work that I was learning from this student. So on his paper, along with his grade, I wrote a note saying his ideas had inspired me.
• Build trust. I can encourage another in the things that matter only if the person will share what's important to him with me. That means I have to attend to the slow business of building trust. And that involves listening with interest to what the person shares with me and affirming the good in what they say and do.
  Gradually, the person I'm mentoring will share deeper thoughts and talk about their more exciting dreams. And that's when my encouragement will really count.
• Don't qualify the affirmation. I meet many people who are discouraged because what personal encouragement they have revived has been qualified: "Yes, that's true enough. But you forgot about this." I look for ways to give simple, direct affirmations without the "buts," without having to add anything. Since the people I mentor are serious about their walk with Christ, I know in most cases they'll eventually figure out where they fall short. In the meantime, I'm giving them confidence that, when they do see a shortfall, they'll be able to do something about it.
  I call this kind of prophetic mentoring the ministry of agreement.
• Confront only when you've earned the right. Naturally, as in any meaningful relationship, there comes a time when the mentor must confront the person being mentored.
  A mentor, then, offers encouragement, and sometimes direction, so that the person mentored can move ahead on his own with confidence.

Source: Mentoring That Makes a Difference - BuildingChurchLeaders.com