In the first church where I was on staff my Senior Pastor was known for clearly stating “the first responsibility of any church member is to maintain his own spiritual life.”
This weekend I began reading the book “Lasting Impressions” by Mark Waltz. The 3rd chapter of the book introduced a problem that many small group leaders and Christian Education teachers possess—We make it our responsibility that those we teach are growing spiritually. Consider his words quoted below.
When I felt responsible for every person, my failure or success depended on their steps in their journeys. When I felt responsible for our students, I considered their missteps to be my fault. I felt profound guilt when people didn’t line up with what I thought they should know and do.
Being responsible to our people is quite different. And incredibly freeing.
- When I’m responsible to people, I understand they have choices. When I’m responsible for people, I think I should decide for them.
- When I’m responsible to people, I know they must figure out their next steps. When I’m responsible for people, I try to tell them what their next steps are.
- When I’m responsible to people, I know they must bear the consequences of their own chosen actions. When I’m responsible for people, I assume the guilt—or worse, the shame—for them.
- When I’m responsible to people, I share their journeys, offering encouragement and teaching. When I’m responsible for people, I try to direct their journeys, never allowing them to wrestle, mess up, or make a wrong turn.
- When I’m responsible to people, I talk to God a lot on their behalf. When I’m responsible for people, I talk to people a lot on God’s behalf.
What do you think? Is Mr. Waltz on to something? Have you felt the bondage of responsible for and the liberty of responsible to?
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI just don't have that problem...anymore!
At 66 I have all I can do to keep myself going. I find myself praying more for people. I believe in putting the Lord in front of people and letting Him do the rest...I used to worry when people didn't show for meetings/studies but now I just try to make everything of the moment with the people He puts in my path....
The list reviewing the difference between being responsible "to" people versus "for" people reminded me a lot about what co-dependency looks like (thinking oneself to be responsible "for" someone else's behavior)
ReplyDeleteThat being said, i have witnessed what I would consider to be a lax attitude on the part of different spiritual leaders as well when it comes to this - and that is not good either.
I have seen some who have sort of given up investing in their small group thinking them to be "unteachable" and forming a very critical attitude toward them. To me, this is sinful and an indication that one needs to take a break and get their heart back in line with the heart of God for that group they are leading. (managing their own spiritual life)
I have also seen some in leadership who don't really direct those they are leading much at all.....leaving it up to "the Holy Spirit" to direct and grow them.
Although it is true that only God can grow something or someone - I wonder perhaps He often does that working through His people as well.
I can think of many times in my own spiritual walk where I was greatly challenged or directed by another believer.....and for that I am grateful.
I have printed out the list showing the differences between "to" and "for" as I tend to fall on the "for" end of the spectrum.
I believe this is another area that requires balance. Is it possible that depending upon the make-up or spiritual maturity of those we are leading - that this will dictate whether we are responsible "to" or "for" as well?
I was called to be a foster parent about a decade ago and took up the task for the sake of the children I was watching get hurt by abuse. I came face to face with this week with one persons perception of what I did. This has now caused me such great pain, I questioned my own faith and my own life as God’s servant.
ReplyDeleteA while ago, I was reading a paper that comes to every residence and business in Walworth County. I hardly ever read this paper for it is mostly advertising and fluff. But for some odd reason I was paging through it and I came upon an article that caught my attention. It was a story about a child’s long dark journey through the foster care system in our county. I had been a foster parent for many years so I glanced at the article. The girls name was altered to protect her identity. But by the fifth paragraph I was taken back by what I was reading. The story was too familiar. And I only had to read 10 more words to realize my fear. This was my foster child. The way she described her stay with us made me shutter. She claimed that she was scared to eat our food for fear we would scold or punish her. She claimed she felt alone even though we had another foster girl of similar age staying there at that time. She described a place I could not distinguish by her recollection. Was this the same girl? Was this how we treated her? Did I do this?
I will not go into details here about how dreadful she made her stay with me look. Suffice to say I was stunned and upset. Her descriptions bore no resemblance to my memory. I sat down at my desk, and emailed the editor. This foster child’s story had not been corroborated or challenged and I was appalled at its inaccuracy. I called the paper and asked to speak to the author but was not given the chance. The editor told me it was not his job to investigate the child’s accusations, just to print them. I asked the editor if the child had mentioned that I took her in to protect her from her abusive parents? Did she say she was given a bedroom and a bed and chest of drawers and desk to study at? Did she tell you we took her shopping the next day for clothes and anything she might need to make her stay pleasant? Did she say she was welcomed with open arms? Did she tell you she went to Church every week and was taught by me in Sunday school? Did she tell you she had the best birthdays and Christmas’s of her life at my home? Because that is what she told me at the time. Did she tell you how in the summer of 1999 we spent nearly every day jet skiing on Lake Geneva and shopping for whatever she desired? Did she tell you that even after she left my home, I brought her gifts for her birthday and Christmas and offered to help her learn how to drive? “No” he said, “She did not tell us any of those things. We wanted to hear about what she went through in foster care. We may have only printed what was bad, but we were only interested in finding the truth about foster care”. I then called my daughter, who was there at the same time and was this foster child’s friend. I read her the article. She was stunned and amazed at this girl’s selective memory. “It was not like that at all Dad”, she said, “You were the one thing in my life I could depend on. And you were there for her too. It’s very extraordinary she would talk of us this way”. This young girls bizarre account was untrue, but the lies were printed and the public now stands ready to accuse me of the behavior she relates. My own daughter has had to come to my rescue to tell the truth this paper could care less about. They want to sell stories and products and sensationalize the liar and make a perpetrator of the falsely accused.
When people take liberty and publish the lies, the damage can be extensive. Tell a lie often enough, and it becomes reality in the minds of the unknowing and truth in the eyes of the blind. I learned a valuable lesson this week. Do God’s will and help those who need it. Just don’t expect any appreciation. Do it because it’s the right thing to do. Not for what you’ll receive from the world. You will not ever get what you deserve from the world. Only God sees to it you are paid in full. The world makes you pay now. God pays at the end. Being called to spread the Gospel is not something you do to get rich. Your treasure is stored in heaven.
If I'm responsible, I will seek His Will and in obediance, do it, regardless of what other say or think.