Good Mentoring: Is your time well spent?
3 success stories compiled by Lesa Engelthaler
Nobody has time to mentor. In fact, conversations with Christian leaders reveal that the number one reason they don't take on a disciple or facilitate a mentoring program is that they simply have no time.
Here are three stories from one church that makes the time.
Mentoring is simply pointing them in the right direction and walking with them
on the journey.—Mark Engelthaler
Mark's Story
One afternoon, I received a frantic phone call from Dan's wife, Anne. Dan was in the hospital with heart problems and wanted to talk to me. After intense conversation and much prayer, Dan made it through heart surgery, and during the process, he became a follower of Jesus.
A few weeks later, Dan asked, "Mark, I believe that Christ died on the cross for my sins, and yet I still have a lot of questions about God, creation, miracles, and so many other things. Will you meet with me so I can sort through these issues?"
"Of course!" I said.
Dan and I try to meet each week for an hour in my office. We began with the Navigator study Growing in Christ and added C. S. Lewis's Mere Christianity. The combination of the two books has spawned great conversation.
Often the men I ask to meet with me come from my natural circle of influence, such as the Bible study I'm leading or younger guys on staff with me. I ask them hard questions up front (Do you seriously desire a deeper and more committed walk with the Lord? Can you commit to a couple of hours a week?) to determine their level of commitment and willingness to see change in their lives. On the whole, my personal screening of potential disciples makes the dropout rate low and the success rate high.
I am also surprised by how people really do grow. Several years ago, I met with a man and, to be honest, at the end of the year I wondered if he had grown at all. Last month I attended a small group meeting during which this guy led the Bible study capably and with deep insights. He had really grown. It's both fun and encouraging to watch God work in people and to know that I had a small part in that growth.
What's the price to be paid? I had to learn to open up my life and calendar to this kind of commitment. But when I choose to meet with these men, God always blesses me too.
Several years ago I mentored a new believer who was so enthusiastic. It was exciting just to be a part of his life. Yet, I chose to use a Bible study with him that was out of his league and too intense. He and I laugh about it today, but I learned that mentoring is more about modeling and relationship and less about proper exegesis of a particular passage.
I want the men in my church to take off their "rugged individualism" mask and see that Christianity is about growing up in Christ and learning to be dependent on him and others. I'm learning that the investment of my time every year to meet with a man one-on-one is an important part of that process.
—Mark Engelthaler
Lesa's Story
Much of my formative spiritual growth resulted from older Christian women saying yes to my cries for help. I was clueless about the sacrifice they made to add me to their schedules. Because of their modeling, I felt compelled to do unto others what they had done unto me.
Yet, as I grew older and "did the math," mentoring one woman a year didn't seem enough. In 1996, I prayed for God to show me other women in our church with the same passion. The answer to that prayer was for me to begin a program to partner women one-on-one for a one-year commitment.
I had one rule for the program: keep it simple. I didn't want something that
took tons of administration.—Lesa Engelthaler
It was not an easy decision. I'm a pastor's wife with a career and already involved in many areas of the church. Where would I find time? So I had one rule for the program: keep it simple. I didn't want something that took tons of administration, and the women involved certainly didn't need "one more meeting."
My keep-it-simple mantra came from C.S. Lewis: "Think of me as a fellow-patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a little earlier, could give some advice."
In the fall of 1997 we had an informational meeting to explain details: our goal is not intense Bible study, but meeting for encouragement. The commitment is once a month for one year. The participants fill out an information profile, which helps us prayerfully pair them.
This is the hardest part, yet every year I'm in awe at how God sovereignly pairs up women we've never met. Then we contact each woman to provide her partner's name, and the program basically runs itself.
The only extra commitment is attending two group meetings each year. This has become a vital part of the ministry, because when women look around the room filled with others who think discipleship is important, it helps us see that we're a part of a bigger multiplication plan.
Role Reversal
One thing I discovered about mentoring is that I often benefit from what my mentorees have to say.
As I slid into the seat across the restaurant table from my mentoree Melissa, I had anything but "I'm the older godly woman" thoughts in my head. I'd come straight from work, preoccupied with a job-related frustration. Waiting for our dinner I silently uttered an SOS prayer, "Lord, you gotta show up because I have nothing to offer tonight."
I asked Melissa about her day, her family, how her personal time with the Bible was going. Then something happened that was so God-like. Melissa is about ten years my junior, and she's also fairly new in her faith. Yet her profession as director of human resources makes her my "senior" in the work world. Melissa asked me about the situation I was facing. When I told her, then out of her mouth flowed the most amazing managerial wisdom, which was exactly what I needed to hear.
That night, God showed up, but not in the way I'd imagined. He used my mentoree to mentor me.
—Lesa Engelthaler
Bill's Story
One morning I'd planned to ask Randy about his relationship with his wife, Donna. When he arrived, we talked briefly about the Mavericks game, ordered breakfast, and just as I was about to ask my first question, Randy asks one of his own: "Bill, I'm really struggling at work. My boss is asking me to do some things that are unethical, maybe even illegal."
For the next several meetings, Randy and I talked about the risks and rewards of maintaining integrity in the business world. We reviewed some valuable principles from Proverbs and the New Testament about the Christian and his work.
Mentoring is about relationships and influence. It's really life-on-life.—Bill
Brewer
Originally, the subject of work was further down my list of topics for discussion, but that morning, the situation with Randy's boss moved it to the top of the list. God often sets his own agenda through current life experiences. And being flexible is where the power of mentoring is most effective.
Randy worked things out with his boss, and three months later at breakfast, I asked him, "So, what investments have you made lately in your relationship with your wife?"
Mentoring is not about a carefully outlined curriculum. It's about life-on-life relationships.
—Bill Brewer
Books we really use
Mark: Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders (Moody); Growing in Christ (Navigators series)
Lesa: Becoming a Woman of Influence by Carol Kent (NavPress); Down to Earth Discipling by Scott Morton (NavPress)
Bill: As Iron Sharpens Iron by Howard & William Hendricks (Moody)
Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.Click here for reprint information onLeadership Journal.Summer 2006, Vol. XXVII, No. 3, Page 84
The full article is located at:http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2006/003/8.84.html
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